Starting off....

Kevin started one of these and now it is 1am on a monday night.. I can't sleep... which is not uncommon since the fire. So I thought I would start one. Most of you know, or those of you who would actually read this know, that life in Philly has not been so great for Kevin and I. We have had one problem after another. So I guess it is not the city's fault because it could happen to us anywhere but so much of me whats to put my tail between my legs and run home to Richmond. I moved here for my career which is moving so slowly considering I put in 18 hour days and make close to no money. I guess it should be expected. I am just starting out and I am trying to do this alone. I guess most people start out by working in a portrait studio but I have been there and done that and rather not go back. So I guess I am on to the next level, whatever that may be. It doesn't help that I am not sleeping, and when I do sleep I have nightmares. Between the fire, loosing Leon, Kevin's sister being a complete nightmare, Kevin's car accident, trying to start this company, my already existing depression and the fact that I am always alone and rarely leave the house it's a wonder I am still alive. I guess I need to be stronger in order to get anywhere with my career but it is hard when you have constantly being pushed down by outside factors. Kevin's sister has been one of the hardest things to deal with. At a time when we need to be able to turn to our family for support she has decided to that she is going to make things a million times harder on us. She finds humor in our pain, distroys our property, steals from us.. so on and so on. Kevin can't turn to his mom because she certainly has enough to deal with. So at this point who do we turn to. What do we do next.. before we have time to get over one thing something else happens. I am so tired. I am always in physical pain. I just want Emily to get over herself, the lose of Leon to stop hurting, I want to sleep, I want to stop smelling smoke and seeing smoke when it's not there, I want to be able to leave my house without the fear that it wont be there when I come back, I want to know when it is ok to stop working, I want to not care what a 14 year old thinks (a 14 year old who acts like a 12 year old). I am not normally like this.. I am never this unhappy.. at least not since I have been with Kevin. We put a down payment on the honeymoon.... that and the wedding............................ and moving back to Richmond..................... are all I look forward to at this point. What the hell is wrong with me... I am not an unhappy... downer person.